Guilt and Forgottenness
You know what I realized today: I am carrying around so much guilt. I generally don't think about it, which is why it always surprises me when I do.
Someone found me--from my past. I ignored his phone calls for over 3 years. He stopped calling about 2 years ago. He found me on myspace. When asked why I ignored him during the time when he needed a friend, I could only think to my own worries during that time. And the guilt swells. surprising. Guilt for ignoring him. For trying to write him out of my life. For not going to see friends when they try to reconnect with me. They all have children and families. That isn't my life. It was my choice. Guilt.
But--I'm going to Italy again this summer. Reconnecting with new friends. Enjoying the life of a single career-girl.
The guilt merges into the periphery--almost out of view. almost. within the reasonable out-of-boundedness to being forgotten. Of course, being forgotten is a state of being and as a state cannot be entirely forgotten. "to be" is the problem here. how then, to move to just forgottenness?
Someone found me--from my past. I ignored his phone calls for over 3 years. He stopped calling about 2 years ago. He found me on myspace. When asked why I ignored him during the time when he needed a friend, I could only think to my own worries during that time. And the guilt swells. surprising. Guilt for ignoring him. For trying to write him out of my life. For not going to see friends when they try to reconnect with me. They all have children and families. That isn't my life. It was my choice. Guilt.
But--I'm going to Italy again this summer. Reconnecting with new friends. Enjoying the life of a single career-girl.
The guilt merges into the periphery--almost out of view. almost. within the reasonable out-of-boundedness to being forgotten. Of course, being forgotten is a state of being and as a state cannot be entirely forgotten. "to be" is the problem here. how then, to move to just forgottenness?
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